When one feels impatient, one feels unloved

Oftentimes, we think that, even if we're in a relationship, we feel that there is imbalance and distrust; as if one of you, or both, feels like over or under-loved. You come to a point where you think, "Hey, I should do something special tonight for my love" and then in an instant, a thought bellows to counter it, saying, "Wait a minute, I was the last one who gave something special. They should compliment that first." It happens. We are human, and we are wired to have errors in every field of emotions and actions. Sometimes, we give in, we never continue that plan of 'something special', and we wait and wait for the assumption that they'll do as what you think. And then you ponder, "Why is this person so insensitive? Why do I love this person? They don't love me back, they don't give me back the love I need!" We fall into retaliation, making the other person miss us, making tantrums, giving signals, and the worst, fight over senseless things.

Now there are two kinds of personal analysis that needs to be done when one person, that one person who first realizes the situation, gets caught in the dilemma. One: Think of this. "Wait, am I giving too much, and as well, expecting a lot in return?" Maybe you are, indeed, giving too much. And you are, also, expecting a lot in return. Of course, we can't rule out the notion that we expect. Hey, this is a relationship, it's a give-and-take kind of thing. It's better to analyze first why your partner fails to do the 'loving you back' part. Maybe they're tired, always stress from work. Maybe they're busy will all the stuff, problems, anything you see which is really pressuring your partner. Maybe, maybe, there'll be a lot of maybe's. Give them some time; they will get back at you and give you the love you need. And if it never happens, and you see that, you're always the one doing everything for her (catch a grenade, will you?), then also maybe, it's time to recount and see if this is the relationship you want.

The next, the second kind is, the point of asking "Why do I love this person?" and stopping right there so you'll be able to analyze your own feelings. Why do you? Why do you keep holding on? Is there a truce you two have made? Or a pre-relationship agreement? Or you just love the person, you trust them, and you know that you're the one who overreacts to situations most of the time? Yep, sometimes we really love that person that we want to know every detail of what's happening on their day. Even what time they went to the toilet. Just relax, we should let our partners breath. Don't worry, they also feel the same. But what's important, you both understand your situations, and respect each other's time. For the long run, you'll be needing that virtue of patience to keep your relationship strong and lasting.

I'm writing this piece not just to express my thoughts, but also to remind me and keep me on track of what should be done within a relationship, so that both of us are happy. And very much in love.

In the middle of a War where the Liberals try to make a world ruled by reason and reality

This is not a post entirely about history; rather, a story about love.

We live in the country of the Philippines, which, as told and re-told a hundred times already in school books, was under the Spanish regime for more than 300 years and became a large cradle of the religion of Christianity up to now. Where the people who are still living, are also struggling to figure out where they fit best: in the traditional, conservatism mindset born from the lessons they got from their elders; or in the raging, fast idealism of pop culture the West has brought upon us; or maintaining the "nationalism effect" on which the glory of the name of the Motherland should be top and among the best in the world. The Filipinos, as how I see them, is in a total bipolar state. A nation of happy smiles but can flip in a second to become the angriest mob they can be. They can be hospitable, but they can be pretentious. Most parents abhor mistakes and want their children to live as perfect as they can be. New generations hating their preceding ones. A nation mind-controlled by media, politics, religion, power, guns, capitalists, among others. A controlled chaos, a country with lost identity.

It's a generalization, and even if I've promised never to generalize again, I just have to let one steam go off. One last. I'm getting frustrated about how the people in this country, including me, are being trapped in the paradox of living under the false meaning of Freedom. I mostly believe it really doesn't exist at all.

But that's not really what I'm gonna rant about.

It's about the traditional culture and mindset of my family in regards to the current relationship I have.

As far as I know, there are no reasons not to date a single mom. Most of them are even the perfect choice for a woman to be involved with. They are more responsible, they are more eager to live a settled life, they dream bigger and aim for a brighter future. It is indeed my earliest wish before to be able to meet and live with someone who are mature, be a single parent or 30-something accomplished lady. I was readying my self since before about this choice. I knew before how people would react, more on how my family will think about my decision. I'm all ready to defend my choice. Now I'm in this scenario. It's the most perfect time to test if I can live by my ideals. And I'm very glad I'm enjoying this life with her right now. I stand by my choice on having a single mom as my girl.

I'm making it last as much as possible.

I told the preacher I'm in no hurry

Yesterday, I learned how to deal with detachment. I guess it's time to let the seas cover the distance in between. For the lady and for her adventures on the land down under. Thank you. This is my final song for you.

'But if I broke her heart, then won't you tell her I'm sorry?'



Peace.

My Mother doesn't just teach

I have a teacher for a mother, and every time we had periodical tests in our school back in my elementary days, she prepares reviewer tests for me and my siblings, much like how they will appear in the exams. Pretty neat, but still I get fair scores. Came high school and college, my mother did not make me those reviewers anymore. I had to do it myself. And lo, I could say my grades did better that time. What I realized was that, when I found out how to mimic what my mom did in teaching me to actually learn from studying (it's like the knowledge-wisdom paradox; you have the ability to know, but simply knowing is not really wisdom), I had a better chance of storing the information I need and using it in the situations I come across up until today. Not that I say my mother spoon-feeding me like that in my younger days is not good, but it kind of taught me in a subliminal way the strategy I have to use in growing up. She may or may have not known of that all along. But hey, it's already embodied in me. For me, she isn't just a teacher who teach from the textbook. She's someone who knows how to teach a life-worth of education.

Thanks Mom. :)

9 Life Lessons from Gordon Dean

1. Never lose your capacity for enthusiasm.
2. Never lose your capacity for indignation.
3. Never judge people. Don’t type them too quickly. But in a pinch, never first assume that a man is bad; first assume that he is good and that, at worst, he is in the gray area between bad and good.
4. Never be impressed by wealth alone or thrown by poverty.
5. If you can’t be generous when it’s hard to be, you won’t be when it’s easy.
6. The greatest builder of confidence is the ability to do something--almost anything--well.
7. When confidence comes, then strive for humility; you aren’t as good as all that.
8. The way to become truly useful is to seek the best that other brains have to offer. Use them to supplement your own, and be prepared to give credit to them when they have helped.
9. The greatest tragedies in the world and personal events stem from misunderstandings. So communicate!

Putting it here so I can read it every time I log on to this blog.

Found on INC.'s website. http://www.inc.com/harvey-mackay/9-life-lessons-every-entrepreneur-needs.html

日本語で (Part 1)

ときどきだれかは他言語で話したい。今日は私のためがその日です。恰も好し、少しでも私が日本語が話せます。たとえ簡単言葉で使って、私の意味は人が分かられます。長い時間に私は日本語話せないんでした。前回は私がタイに住みました。日本に戻って来たい。東京のタワーをもう一回見たいです。そうして、大阪と静岡にまた行きたい。静か気持ちまたほしい。もうすぐ。多分。

'I think you just need someone to talk to'

A new formulated hypothesis for a never-ending social experiment I'm doing: just maybe, we need to meet new people not to always fall romantically in love with. Maybe we need to meet a new person, accidentally, just to talk and have plain conversations with, about fresh topics and funny stuff, minus the romance part what your typical movie, book, or even your closest friends tell you the scenario should be.

At least, the feeling of pressure of having someone to fall in love with will be out of the equation. You'll just get to enjoy that sparingly moment with a stranger, or who knows, a future friend.

--
Video has no relation to the topic of this post. I just woke up this morning with Drip playing inside my head. Very wonderful wake-up songs.

Hitler flirter

Because great leaders (and by great, I mean a leader who has ruled a country and tried to expand it; commanded a grand army; wages war against super countries without fear; one who has formulated his own ideals and influenced his people with it; his power felt worldwide; not on the grounds whether he was good or evil since morality I believe is based upon a person's own point of view) have smooth flirting moves too.

This was, as described, taken from Eva Braun's filming of the Führer. More discussions here.

Forget about your house of cards

Current mood: track no. 4 on Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club album. Last time's emo-senti outlook in life: look what's on track number 3. :P

I'm running out of ideas to write again. That means I'll have to say goodbye to melancholy days soon. Ah, no no. How I missed these days, and how I'm going to miss them soon. No more lonely stuff to talk about. Once I sense a new kind of adventure is set, my mind clears off and the sadness that blinds my thoughts are vanishing in exponential (mathematical!) speed.

Last night was spectacular. Finding old friends in unexpected places, talking about philosophy and idealism, listening to live sets of metal and indie music, planning future "saving-the-world" adventures. Fun always starts after 10 in the evening. I did not let a series of mishaps earlier that day to end my Thursday in shame. It was like a dazed night with Minus the Bear's new album playing in my head.

Last truth revealed: it's about a girl. Not really the whole though; there's about stress in business, work, communications, and confusing principles piling up in my head. But yeah, the majority is about the girl. The girl. My friend affirmed "it's always about the female class." Yet the feeling I get is not sadness from rejection or failure of not getting the girl you like (again, psssh). It's about finally deciding to forget. And there are two sides of fear when trying to forget: 1) fear that you'll forget the feelings for another person after all those times you think are now wasted but not really, and 2) fear that the other person will forget their memories of you too, and two you will fall into an Abyss of back to being strangers. Who would want that, of course. But a lot of people have accepted that and have done that already too. We do what we need to do, that is part of human nature. Well I guess, I'm about to embrace that too. The closure is here.

Coming back to the province earlier, I felt the urgent need to take a break from this dilemma again. Problems from the past six months are already cramped in and I haven't had any vacation yet. Good thing what happened last night contributed to ideas of a bright plan ahead.

A new set of cards.

Nothing feels good being under the gun

Today, I found myself listening to Mae's Breakdown over and over again. It's a song that keeps my aura in chaotic pattern, but something that keeps me at peace as well. The roll of the snare drums, the tune of the bassline, and the flow of the words in the lyrics. Damn, that poetry really sticks to the soul.

Funny how one song can calm a mind busy about serious business stuff.

--
Anyway, here's a wonderful topic me and my friend Marius was talking about earlier:

Marius Black: 
if guy1 say the sky is blue, then guys (sic) 2 says its red
then a third guy says it's not red it's blue
you don't necesarily believe in guy 1, but you now believe in guy 3
so ayun nga, where do you stand ba talaga? what if guy 4 comes?
and says all of them are wrong?

Evan Quinay: 
shouldn't I believe in what I see rather than believeing (sic) in what they say?

Marius Black:
what if you're blind?
hahaha

Evan Quinay:
if I'm blind, would it still matter to me if the sky is blue or red? 

Marius Black:
exactly!

Whatever you can decipher from this conversation, it will turn out right. :)

This movie is not about you

The whole idea of a movie is for it to tell a vivid motion story about human interactions with their surroundings in a one-in-a-million chance of happening. Every scene, every episode tells the ultimate what-could-have-been. Gazing beyond the shore, contemplating about life and finally understanding what you must do. Picking up a coin by the gutter, then using it to gamble, and winning the lottery by the jackpot. Tripping on a small rock landing on the arms of your future love partner. It's so easy to believe in this type of movies, falling into belief that someday, somehow, your life will be the same as the last romantic-comedy, or drama, or even horror film you have seen.

Oddly enough, the same in a one-in-a-million chance, the right movie becomes your story too.

If that instance happens, how do you think you would feel? Will you recognize who the main characters are? Yes, it might be your life as the story, but are you really the protagonist who will encounter the greatest lesson of the whole tale? You could be the supporting actor, you could just be an extra as well. Or worse, you could be the enemy of the real star of the show.

In a complexity pattern of life being turned into movies and being turned back into your own story, you can never know what's going to be your part. You can never tell what's the total plot is all about. You can never guess if there will be a happy ending.